I See Me in You

 My daughter walked up behind me and punched me squarely in the behind. She cackled loudly and then jumped away. I turned around and smirked at her. We are what most others would consider to be a "physical family." She wasn't angry, wasn't trying to hurt or harm me. What she was doing was baiting me to wrestle with her. All it takes is for one parent to lie down on the floor and she pounces on us. 

It's just a lot of playful wrestling matches and giant hugs that go on around here... OK, maybe not that much, but today felt like a bigger day full of love shown as physical touch. 

I see so much of myself in her. It all feels familiar to me. It's the same way I used to wrestle with my parents, mostly dad. I used to pounce on my brother, build Legos all the time like she does, be competitive in sports, and, just like her, have an animal/blanket that I was super attached to. 

While I know it's not genetically possible that I "see myself in her..." It's almost as if that thought never crosses my mind because I do always see myself in her. That's our child. I point at Ryan and say, "Where did she get that from???" (Fully implying that trait is from him.) It's so normal to tell our daughter, "You're just like mom/dad! We used to do that!" She also says, "I am just like you because I...!" 

It's this beautiful ignorance. (If you want to call it that.) I'd rather enjoy seeing it as unconditional acceptance and love. The where/when/how/why backstory is there but has no sway in the now.

I try to text the birth family once a week.
(Doesn't always happen and it doesn't need to happen that way either, but time flies and it feels complete when they get to hear and see all the milestones too...)

It's strange, like a sudden jolt that kicks me back to reality, when someone from the birth family says, "Oh, I see so much of so and so in her!" or "That's exactly like...!" It's a reminder of the backstory. It's not to be rude or to hurt/harm me. This is just a habit of humanity. We all find aspects of likeness/sameness and it makes us feel connected. We could go very deep here... Instead, I will end with this: 

Nature vs. Nurture is the age-old debate that I do not care for right now. Right now, I am currently relishing that this young girl is ours. She is picking up our traits and we are doing our best to strengthen the skills that will send her on the correct path God has in mind for her in adulthood. It's good that the birth family finds joy in seeing how she fits in with them too. One day, even E may want to know more about that. It's so easy to slide into a "what-if" mode and possibly let some fear in with that. Sometimes adoption can feel like sharing. However, the truth of adoption is that we all work together to create a healthy child. We all feel connected to a child, we all love each other because of a child, and thus we are working towards the same goal. 

For now, I may not find joy in baited into wrestling by getting punched in the behind... but I find great joy that I see myself in her and that her birth family can also do the same. In the future, these connections may be very beneficial for all parties involved.