Battling the Grumps - Our Hearts' Desire

August 20, 2022

Battling the Grumps - Our Hearts' Desire

A large stack of papers sit on the desk. It has medical records, financial reports, back ground checks, and almost a dissertation on both of us parents plus Zoe. The unknown of the home study last time was almost better than this time around. It's so much work, only to be scrutinized through someone else's perspective.

I should have started out this post with, "Hi, I am cranky this week..." My normal attitude is to persevere, stay determined, and remain steadfast in the pursuit of the goal. Just so you know- I'm human and don't always maintain that attitude.

Come on! It's a lot of work. My heart is aching to have another baby. It kills me when E points to things and says, "Mom, can we have another baby because then we can do...." (Today it was so that she could put the baby in the basket under the stroller.... ha!)

When I get into this funk it's easy to start saying things like: "No one else needs to request this time off of work so they can grow their family." "Does anyone else need a background check and someone telling them that it is the doctor's right to know your deepest/darkest family secret when growing up?" ... because that somehow impacts your parenting?

Holy fudge....!!!

Let's end the rant there because we know that comparison is the killer of Joy. There is only one thing to truly do when in this type of mood. It's to focus on just the next step forward, don't compare your story to anyone else's, and for the love of ALL things- Don't ever listen to people who try to "silver line" your struggle. Here, here is an example:

Me: "No one else needs to request this much time off of work to grow their family...."
Silver lining person: "Well, at least you have a job that will let you have the time off." or "Well, at least it's not an invasive procedure at the doctor's office during your time off."

Me: "Does everyone else have to bare their soul/thoughts/ask for help from hundreds, just to grow their family?" Silver lining it person: "At least you have a really good story and support system and have those to help you grow your family..."

Get it? Anyway! Here is how you cope in the emotional turmoil battles that adoption brings:

1. Don't compare your story to others.
2. Find the people that can just listen, support you no matter what, and are good humans....
3. Stop the mental spiral of thinking about every single possible way this adoption could happen. Our brains like to "think ahead" as if we can somehow prepare ourselves for the unknown. You can't. What you can do is coach yourself. You are able to handle what will come tomorrow. You can handle it with grace and dignity. It will be ok because you have your people. Coach yourself on the skills you do have that will help you accomplish whatever comes your way, because you won't be able to predict what's coming.

I know our people are out there. Thanks for being on our team. Those of you who have been vocally cheering for us, we hear you. Those of you who have passed this blog on, we see it growing. Those of you who supported us by praying with arms around us, we felt it. Those of you who financially gave- thanks for being one hell of a support on that massive document that's about to mailed in!!

Thank you for being our hope when the hope is low/dried out.