Tough Questions

 Here are some fabulous, tougher, questions I have received from some of you! 

1) Have you stayed in contact with birth mom and the family? 

- Yes, I texted the birth mom a few times last week! We send photos to birth grandmother and aunt as well. These are extended family members to us. We value and cherish them. It's important to love the birth family, because our daughter comes from them. 

2) What's your relationship like with the birth mom? 

- It's a pretty good one! We definitely have our differences. However, despite loving different things we share the love of: Starbucks, outdoors, hanging with friends, and E. (Just having a child you both love is a big bonding moment.) From day 1, she has stated that we are the parents. She advocated for us to be at the hospital from day 1, and was open/honest about her life. She is a spirited individual with a feisty and free heart. We have texted her when bigger life events have occurred or when big accidents have happened. I promised her to keep her up to date with serious things and have kept that promise since. She knows that she can always call or text, even if she doesn't want to talk about E. 

3) How will E feel having another adopted sibling? 

- At this point in her development, she just sees another baby that she can love. Just this morning she asked for a double stroller so the baby can sit next to her, and she will hold their hand. 

4) How will the birth family feel about another birth family? 

- That's a little tougher to answer because I am not quite sure about their feelings. My guess is that they will bond over the experience of being birth families. They will probably be interested in each other, and we will, of course, introduce them when they are ready. In our eyes, it might be nice to talk to another person who understands the birth side experience. They will likely have different stories, but the same heart for the adoptive parents (hopefully) and for adoption. 

5) When do you tell E all the details about her adoption? 

- When she asks, then she is probably ready to know. Of course her age will be taken into consideration. 

6) What is the hardest part about being the adoptive parents? 

- There are emotional tolls at every point: Being open and vulnerable to a caseworker, telling them everything about you, and then letting them write it into a Home Study. This is the legal document that birth families have the right to read before choosing you. Also, the legal risk period when the child is an infant. This is the point that you take them home but parental rights have not yet been relinquished. Finally, ensuring that birth family's rights are protected by sending them pictures/texts/and seeing them throughout the year. I'll write more about this interesting dynamic in the future. We have coped with the emotional complexities by just embracing them as extended family. 

7) How do you feel when people ask you about E's mom? 

- I feel fine. A twinge of sadness might pop up, but I understand that the title of "mom" stays with the person who birthed the child. It's only natural people use that term, it's the title used within our culture that helps define a role. After all- the birth mom is the one that provided us with the biggest blessing of our lives! I can live with this! 

8) How long will this process take? 

- 2 weeks to 6 years? We are not too sure. It happens in God's timing. I am just praying hard it happens well before 4 years....  We are getting older and more tired! Ha! 

 

Any other tougher questions I have left out? Let us know, drop a comment or send us an email!